Why People Pleasers Struggle to Set Boundaries (And How You Can Change)
If you’ve ever found yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no,” bending over backwards to make others happy at the expense of your own needs, or feeling overwhelmed by constantly putting others first, then you might be stuck in a pattern of people pleasing.
But here’s the thing: people pleasing isn’t who you are—it’s something you learned to stay safe and connected to your caregivers when you were young. It’s a behavior that helped you remain in good standing with the people you relied on most. As a child, people pleasing likely helped you avoid conflict, stay in connection and love, and maintain a sense of security with those who brought you into the world. In many ways, it was a smart and adaptive strategy.
When People Pleasing Stops Serving You
While people pleasing may have been helpful back then, as an adult, it’s likely causing you more suffering than safety. The behavior is so ingrained in your body and mind that it feels automatic—like you don’t have a choice. But that doesn’t mean it’s working for you anymore. In fact, people pleasing is probably creating a disconnect between the person you want to be and the person you feel you have to be for everyone else.
This adult pattern of people pleasing can lead to self-doubt, confusion, feelings of disempowerment, and emotional overwhelm. You might find yourself constantly giving away your power in relationships, struggling with control issues, and feeling like no matter how much you do for others, it’s never enough. Deep down, you long for a new way of being—a way that honors your own needs—but your body and mind don’t know how to function any other way because this is what they’ve practiced for most of your life.
Why Boundaries Feel So Hard
Boundaries are terrifying for people pleasers because they feel like a direct threat to connection, which is what your mind learned to prioritize above all else. Setting a boundary feels like you’re risking rejection, disappointment, or disconnection from the people you care about. Your nervous system goes into overdrive, sending signals that boundaries are dangerous, and if you set them, something bad will happen.
But here’s the truth: while people pleasing may keep you temporarily safe from discomfort, it keeps you disconnected from TRUE self. It makes you feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unable to trust your own voice. This is where the shift needs to happen.
Healing People Pleasing and Building Boundaries
Healing this pattern isn’t about flipping a switch; it takes time, patience, and self-compassion. You’re not just changing a behavior—you’re rewiring deeply ingrained beliefs about what it means to be loved and safe. This work involves becoming more aware of when your people pleasing behaviors are triggered and practicing new ways of being that honor your needs.
Boundaries are the key to this shift. They aren’t about pushing people away, but about creating space for your own needs and desires to be heard and honored. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced in all aspects of life, from your closest relationships to your daily interactions.
And this is where I come in.
How I Can Help You Break Free
In my work, I help highly sensitive people, overthinkers, perfectionists and people pleasers like you break free from patterns of self-doubt, disempowerment, and emotional overwhelm. We work together to gently untangle the deep roots of your people pleasing, so you can start showing up for yourself in ways that feel empowering and aligned with who you really are.
Through deep inner work, hypnosis, somatic coaching, and sound healing, I guide you to reconnect with the parts of yourself that feel afraid to set boundaries, giving them the care and safety they need to relax and thrive. We’ll practice boundary-setting together in a way that feels safe, manageable, and supportive, helping you learn to say “no” without guilt and say “yes” to what truly serves you.
Working 1:1 with me, you’ll gain:
Profound clarity and confidence to set boundaries without feeling like you’re losing yourself or risking connection.
A deeper understanding of where your people pleasing comes from and how to heal it at the root.
Practical tools to navigate emotional overwhelm and the stress of constantly putting others first.
The ability to trust yourself, honor your needs, and cultivate relationships that support the real you.
Ready to Break Free?
If you’re ready to stop living for everyone else and start showing up for yourself, I’m here to help. This journey isn’t one you need to take alone. Together, we’ll work to heal your people pleasing tendencies and build a life where your needs and boundaries are honored in the most authentic way possible.
Book a free consultation with me today, and let’s start the process of transforming your relationship with yourself and those around you. It’s time to reclaim your power and create a life that feels authentically yours.