Co-Regulation: The Heartbeat of Self-Regulation in Children
For many of us, growing up meant learning to navigate the world without ever truly feeling safe in our own bodies.
We didn’t have parents with regulated nervous systems. Not because they didn’t love us — but because no one ever taught them how to anchor safety within themselves. As children, we weren’t met with consistent, attuned co-regulation — the process where one person’s nervous system helps another feel calm, safe, and connected.
And so, our own systems wired for protection instead of connection.
This is why so many of us struggle to feel grounded, trust ourselves, feel our emotions or model a flexible system for our kids. We weren’t shown how to regulate — we were told to “calm down” when we were overwhelmed, or “you’re fine” when we clearly weren’t.
But here’s the truth:
❌ Saying this to our kids is not regulation — it’s emotional bypassing
❌ It’s not soothing — it’s subconscious gaslighting.
And it leaves a lasting imprint.
Children don’t learn self-regulation through words — they learn it through relationship. Through presence. Through how we meet their emotions with our own emotional range.
When our own nervous system isn’t regulated, we don’t have the capacity to hold their big feelings — not because we’re bad parents, but because our bodies are still carrying the weight of what we never received.
And look, a regulated nervous system isn’t about being calm all the time. That is key to understand. It’s about being flexible.
It’s about having the range — the resilience — to hold discomfort, uncertainty, and emotion without collapsing or reacting. Does your system has the flexibility to navigate the ups and downs of life?
And this is the gift we pass down:
A nervous system that whispers to our child, “You’re safe. You can rest. You can feel. You can handle this.”
This is the true foundation of emotional resilience and self-regulation.
And it starts with us.
If you didn’t grow up with co-regulation and you stuggle to stay connected to yourself without getting stuck in anxiety, overwhelm or shutdown, it’s not too late to learn it now — and embody it in a way that transforms your life and your children’s.
This is the work I do every day with clients — gently, deeply, lovingly helping you create safety within your body so you can offer it to your children, your relationships, and your own inner child.
💛 If you’re ready to heal your nervous system, expand your emotional capacity, and become the anchor your family needs — I invite you to work with me 1:1.
Together, we break cycles.
Together, we rise in regulation, presence, and love.
With heart,
Ashley